Illustration of two hands, one reaching out and the other pulling away, symbolizing the struggle of a forced relationship.

How to not force Relationship?

🧿 Short Answer

Building healthy relationships requires authenticity, open communication, and mutual respect. Instead of forcing a relationship, focus on genuine connections and shared interests. Allow connections to develop organically, and be patient in getting to know someone. Avoid pressuring yourself or others into predefined expectations, and let the relationship evolve naturally over time. Embrace individuality and respect boundaries, ensuring that both parties feel comfortable and valued. By fostering an environment of trust and understanding, you create the foundation for meaningful and lasting connections without the need for force or haste.

A person sitting alone on a park bench, representing the feeling of isolation and loneliness that can come from forcing a relationship.

Stop trying to force it: Why forcing relationships never works

It’s easy to get frustrated when you keep trying to develop friendships or romantic relationships with people who, either out of sheer awkwardness or their preferences, don’t seem interested in the same level of friendship or romantic relationship with you that you would like to have with them. But rather than forcing it, instead, consider why you’re trying so hard to force a relationship to happen and whether those reasons will make your life better if they do succeed in getting the other person on board.

Two people engaged in a tug-of-war, symbolizing the power struggle and uneven dynamics of a forced relationship.

What is a forced relationship?

A forced relationship is one where one person spends a lot of time and energy on the other with no payback. Feeling like there’s something you can do about it or want to do about it and yet, for some reason or another, it doesn’t seem possible. These relationships can get draining after a while because we keep waiting for the other person to be ready- but they don’t always come around. It’s important to understand that there are many ways in which people go through life as well as different life experiences, so just because someone isn’t moving at the same pace as you does not mean that they’re lazy or uncaring. They may have their own set of challenges that are keeping them from being able to move forward with their lives. Remembering this will help us stop feeling frustrated when we try to change someone who refuses to change themselves and give up when nothing changes.

A person looking in a mirror and seeing a reflection that is fearful and lonely, representing the fear of being alone that can drive someone to force a relationship.

The fear of being alone

When people enter into a relationship and start dating, the fear of being alone can take over. What if their partner does something drastic or has an accident? Most people who are in this situation want to spend as much time with their significant other as possible and will do anything for them not to leave. Unfortunately, this behavior can push a partner away and lead them down the path toward resentment. If you’re constantly saying yes when you would rather say no, then chances are that your feelings about the relationship have changed. You need to recognize these signs before it’s too late and try a different approach when dating.

A person standing alone at a party, symbolizing the fear of rejection and not being wanted that can contribute to forcing a relationship.

The fear of not being wanted:

Do you feel like your friends keep stringing you along? Stop forcing friendships and try this. Put down your phone and have a real conversation with them about what’s been going on for the past couple of weeks. Explain that it seems like they’re distant or not as available as they used to be, and then ask them what’s been going on in their life. If they say nothing, consider reaching out more often so you can find out if something is happening. If something is happening, make sure to ask if it’s okay to help them out in any way and give back the friendship by listening to them when they need someone there.

A person standing at a crossroads, representing the confusion and uncertainty that can lead someone to force a relationship out of a lack of direction.

Not knowing what you want:

We can get stuck in a rut and forget about what we want. It’s normal for us to be scared of what might happen if things don’t work out, but being afraid can paralyze us. The best thing you can do is start paying attention to your feelings and listen when they’re telling you that it’s time to move on. Take risks. Trust yourself. And trust the universe – because sometimes these risks are exactly what we need to open our minds up and find the person who’s right for us!

A person attempting to mend a broken vase, symbolizing the futile effort of trying to fix a relationship that is not meant to be.

Trying too hard to fix something that needs fixing:

A lot of people find themselves trying to force a relationship because they think it will make them feel better. Sometimes these fixes can lead to disastrous results, and other times you’re met with little success. In the end, the most important thing is recognizing when something needs fixing and being able to let go. Don’t stay stuck in what isn’t working and try something new, even if that means ending the relationship for good. There are plenty of fish in the sea and some may be just right for you. To be happy, you need to do what makes YOU happy.

 It’s easy to try and fix something that isn’t working, but you need to think about whether or not you want a relationship for what it is or for what you think you can change about it. It’s hard enough to find someone with common interests and characteristics; don’t let your focus on negatives overshadow everything that could be good.

A person viewing themselves in a funhouse mirror, representing the distorted reality and self-deception that can occur in a forced relationship.

Telling yourself lies and believing them:

People often tell themselves little lies that make them feel better in the moment. This is a quick way to reduce mental stress without doing anything drastic, but it’s important to remember that these thoughts are not reality. When people are lonely and unfulfilled they may look for someone they find attractive and convince themselves that they’re meant for each other. They start texting him or her frequently and fantasizing about how great their future will be together. The excitement builds until they decide to go on an actual date with this person they barely know.

 However, when you get face-to-face with a person and are exposed to their true personality and behavior patterns, those lies become difficult if not impossible to maintain. There is no such thing as soulmates or love at first sight. Everyone has flaws, both physical and mental. When you finally see them in person, your eyes will be opened.

Seeking validation from others:

If you feel the need to seek validation from others or push for a closer relationship, this is the other person’s problem. You have too high of an opinion of yourself and are looking at things the wrong way. All you are doing is coming off as a borderline-obsessive individual who may be looking for something more than a friendship but doesn’t know how to go about it respectfully.

A person fixated on their phone, representing the unhealthy pursuit of validation through social media and its connection to forcing relationships.

 This is a hard pill to swallow, but I’m going to give you some food for thought. People who put their needs on others are seen as rude, at best. And most of them don’t realize they’re doing it until someone calls them out on it. If you want more friends or deeper connections with people, don’t ask for validation.

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