A new relationship can be exciting and fun, but it can also be challenging when you need to deal with your partner’s previous relationships. Most people want to know the details of their partner’s previous relationships, whether or not they were serious. The next logical question is how to act when those relationships come up in conversation or arise in other ways. Here are some tips on how to deal with your partner’s previous relationships so that you don’t end up causing unnecessary problems or hurting anyone.
- Learn about the past
The best way to deal with a relationship of this kind is by having a calm and collected conversation, which also includes some preparation beforehand. You want to take a look at their past relationships so you know what type of baggage they might bring into the relationship. The first thing you need to do is evaluate how healthy the relationship is right now, or if there are any red flags that may affect your relationship. If not, then it’s time to take a closer look at their past relationships. Take note of the following: how many partners they had before you; whether they were in an open or closed relationship; how long it lasted; why it ended; whether it was mutual or not; what issues existed in the relationship before it ended.
- Find out why they’re still in contact
Before you can begin addressing the issue, it’s important to figure out why the person is still in contact. Many people will agree that the only way to tell someone that their past relationships are now your concern is because something specific made them suspicious. Furthermore, if a person has had past partners who have caused trouble in their current relationship, it can be very difficult for that person to not think about how things might have been different had they not dated any of these people. But this could also mean that there was something wrong with the current partner and that what he or she did before was just an unfortunate coincidence. The key here is to find out as much information as possible from both parties before jumping to conclusions and making assumptions.
- Listen carefully
It’s totally normal for someone you’ve started a relationship with to have had past romances. After all, the human condition is complex and there are many different types of people in this world. That said, most people enter a new relationship hoping it will be different – that they’ll be the one that changes their partner or at least isn’t impacted by their flaws as much as before. Of course, this doesn’t always happen. You can expect to feel hurt if your partner never makes time for you but has plenty of time for exes on social media; if they get defensive when you bring up any issue relating to them or even try to initiate sex; if they spend more time with friends than with you; and so on.
- Try and understand their perspective
You might be wondering what to do when your significant other has a problem with their ex. As hard as it is, it can really help if you try and understand where they’re coming from. Not only will this improve your relationship, but in the end, this could also make for a better partnership. However, that doesn’t mean you have to agree with them! The key here is just understanding where they’re coming from. If they’re holding on to something negative or blaming themselves, tell them that it’s not their fault. Tell them about how you love and care for them now. Or if they’re blaming their ex-partner, remind them of all the reasons why they fell out of love with them.
- Don’t try to make up for lost time
It may be tempting to want to make up for lost time and start doing all the things you never did before because of them, but this is a bad idea. Trying too hard in that regard can lead you both down a path of unrealistic expectations and can cause more tension than before. Focus on improving yourself in ways that interest both of you, instead. Instead of trying to do everything together, allow each other space to do what they like without feeling guilty or neglected. Be open about your wants and needs so there are no surprises when it comes to who does what around the house. Don’t try to make up for a lost time: If you’re trying to make up for something, it’s going to end badly.
- Accept their past and move on
It is easy to get worked up when you find out about a new woman in your spouse’s life. However, it is important that you give her a chance and accept her as part of the family. The best way to do this is by inviting her over for dinner and an outing with the kids. Being around you will show her how loved she really is. You can also ask her if there are any special occasions coming up so you can plan something nice. You want to make sure she feels like she has just joined the family and not some random person that was just thrown into the mix. With time, she will start feeling more comfortable and at home with you all. As long as she does not see herself as better than you or try to take your place, then it should be fine. Remember that even though they may have other children from their past relationship, they are still your child now too!
Final Words
It is always going to be difficult when dealing with a relationship where one partner has had other partners. What you need to remember is that it is only your relationship that matters. If you can love your partner for who they are and what they have done in the past, it doesn’t matter anymore. You have forgiven them and even though you may not understand why or how this happened, try not to hold on to the bad memories.
