When it comes to relationships, it’s the age-old question: age matters more than love, or love matters more than age? In terms of how to make age gap relationships work, this question becomes even more difficult to answer when you consider that society has certain expectations of what men and women should look like at different ages and what they should be doing with their lives.
1) Explain your situation to family and friends
I am 15 years old and dating someone who is 20 years old. I know it’s not really socially acceptable because of the age difference, but I love him so much and he’s been there to support me through everything. What should I do? Is a 23-year age gap too much? Is a 25-year age difference in a relationship too large a power imbalance? Should I break up with my boyfriend because we have an 18-year age gap? How can I make my family understand that this relationship is worth fighting for?
A key question you need to ask yourself when entering into any kind of new relationship is whether or not you are both on the same page about what you want out of your time together. If you’re living at home, try to find opportunities to spend time alone with your partner – go out for dinner or go to a movie if necessary. One thing many people don’t realize about those in long-distance relationships is how difficult they can be until they actually enter one themselves!
2) Realize you’re not in it alone
As the couple or family grows, the relationships in the household change. If there are age differences within that household, those relationships may evolve in ways you didn’t anticipate. It’s not unusual to experience power imbalances, and even find yourselves at odds when you each want different things out of life. I once read that experts believe a 14-year age difference is too much to keep a healthy relationship with your parents.
3) Be honest with yourself
Before you dive into an age-gap relationship, make sure that you and your partner have a mutual understanding of each other’s expectations. People in age-gap relationships tend to be at opposite ends of the same stage in life which can cause a power imbalance. For example, if one person is 20 years old and the other is 40 years old, then the younger person has much less experience than their partner. The older person may come off as condescending or patronizing towards their younger counterpart because they are more knowledgeable about certain topics. On top of this potential power struggle, people who are in age-gap relationships often don’t know how long they will stay together which creates uncertainty about their future plans (such as whether or not to buy a house).
4) Consider the long-term benefits
Of course, there are challenges that come with an age gap. There can be power imbalances between a 10-year-old and a 20-year-old, or between a 15-year-old and a 30-year-old. It may not seem like those differences will affect the relationship in the long run, but when one person is either too senior or too junior in age to their partner, there’s potential for emotional damage. Your relationships are key to your happiness and well-being. A relationship needs work to sustain it. If you’re having trouble finding someone your own age (or close), think about what you want out of life before you rule out an age-gap relationship completely. You might find it has some advantages!
5) Remember love is ageless
A common misconception is that age-gap relationships don’t work. Studies show that couples with a five-year age gap have an 87% chance of success while those with a thirty-year age gap have a 65% chance of success. All relationships take work, but an understanding of how to be sensitive to the power imbalance can make these relationships flourish and even last long enough to meet one another’s children. One of the most important tips for successful age-gap relationships is to not compete with each other:
In addition, he recommends setting clear boundaries and communication expectations. Finally, some other relationship experts recommend not having more than two years between partners (for example 10 years old – 18-year-old) in order to maintain a healthy balance in any relationship. Expert opinion varies on what works best in terms of making an age gap relationship work, so it is recommended to find someone who has had experience with both older and younger partners so they can help you navigate the waters when needed.
The key point here is to keep things open and communicate your needs before the conflict arises. The dynamics are different for every relationship, so tailor your advice based on this knowledge.
Conclusion
There is an element of power imbalance in age gap relationships that make them difficult to succeed. If both partners have lived completely different lives, the younger partner often can’t relate to the older partner’s experiences. Of course, there are successful long-term age gap relationships. The key is knowing what you’re getting into and thinking about how you’ll work through the differences when they inevitably arise.
